A to Z Blogging Challenge · Life

C is for Christmas

That moment when you realize that there really is a Naughty/Nice list.

I fell in love with this little girl when I saw her, head in hands, sitting in the overstuffed chair. Who can’t relate to what she’s feeling?

One of my sons, when he was in the midst of a bad day, used to ask, “Why does everything bad happen to me?”

Some days just feel like that.

But, as Anne Shirley said, “Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”

We’re always sitting on the cusp of a new day.


The little girl is from The Terrible Thing That Happened at Our House by Marge Blaine and illustrated by John Wallner.

Santa — and I love the grim look on his face, like he’s thinking, This is the downside of my job, but I’ve got to do it — is from Sandra Boynton’s Christmastime! I have been a HUGE Sandra Boynton fan since I first picked up a “Don’t let the turkeys get you down” mug at Logos Bookstore on Marshall Street in Syracuse in, maybe, 1980. I think we still have it. Once, probably 20 years ago, we drove to Stamford, NY, where she had an exhibit at an art center. She autographed some board books for us, but mostly I wanted to meet her. When I found her book at the thrift store, I felt a little sad that someone abused and discarded it.  At the same time I was thrilled at the chance of giving it new life in scenes like the one above.

The flooring in the room is from Ox-Cart Man (illustrator – Barbara Cooney).

The wallpaper is some leftover origami paper.

A to Z Blogging Challenge · Life

B is for Buzz

A few weeks (or was it months?) ago, I sat at a little diner with Amy. It’s rare that I get to spend time with her anymore because I’m staying with my father so much. I had messaged her that day — “I’m going to be in Greene this afternoon. Do you have any time?”

We sat and talked for two hours, just sharing our lives with each other. Have I ever mentioned how much I love Amy? The openness and honesty of our conversations is always so refreshing.

In the course of our little tête–à–tête, Amy told me about a paper she was working on for a class she was taking.

“It’s a pretty big project,” she said. “I have to write a symbol paper.”

“What’s a symbol paper?” I asked.

“It’s a paper about a symbol,” she said.

Frankly, I’ve never been good at symbolism.

When I took a Flannery O’Connor class last year, we had to read “Good Country People.” In it  (spoiler alert), the main character, Hulga, has her wooden leg stolen by smarmy salesman. It turns out the leg was a symbol for something — I don’t even remember — but the whole time I thought it was just a leg.

I recently finished Ted Dekker’s Martyr’s Song in which ravens circle frequently and a dove alights at opportune times. Evil and good — that symbolism was a little too blatant for me. It felt forced.

Amy had chosen bees as her symbol. She and her husband have a hive, and she told me about all the places bees crop up in literature and art.

Suddenly, I was seeing bees everywhere.

Seriously.

In the dead of winter, of course, so they weren’t the live, buzzing, stinging, gathering pollen-and-nectar variety, but there they were, tucked into pictures in so many of the children’s books I had rescued. A bee seems to add a touch of realism to any garden picture.

I started collecting bees, too, along with my rabbit pictures from books. Bees show up in my cards with some frequency now.

But it’s prudent that I leave the symbolism aspect to Amy.


The card above is one of the first I made with bees in it. The big bee in the lower right corner (and the word “buzz”) is from Ezra Jack Keats’ book Over in the Meadow. The big splash of flowers are from a pop-up book that had been discarded because, as is the true fate of most pop-up books, it no longer popped, but was ripped on nearly every page. The other two flowers — the purple one with the bee visiting, and the yellow one behind — are from books that I forgot to make note of. Dear illustrators, please forgive me.

Life

My Rabbit Problem

I didn’t pause — that’s the problem. Yesterday I bought more rabbits.

Whenever I walk into Target, I pick up rabbits. Fortunately, I have to drive an hour to the nearest Target. Unfortunately, every time I’m in a city, I head to the nearest Target.

My father noticed this growing group of rabbits on the table. “Where do they come from?” he asked.

“They breed at night,” I told him, “when we aren’t looking.”

He laughed, but I know it wasn’t really an answer to his question.

He asks it repeatedly, and I’m a little embarrassed to confess to my obsession.

I admit to being a little crazy. I mean, I carry a rabbit in my pocket these days. I have conversations with the rabbit in my pocket — which really are conversations with myself or God — mindfulness exercises. But, yes, Tuga is with me throughout Lent.

His counterpart, Aleluja, is hidden until Easter.

I let my grandson, Henry, hold Tuga once when he was sad. When he set it down, I asked Helen to toss it to me. “Aren’t you going to let him keep it?” she asked.

Um, no.

I felt like Nicholas Cage in Con Air. Put… the bunny… back… in… the box.

So, when I saw another Tuga-Aleluja set at Target, I bought it for Henry’s Easter basket. I had already bought a set that I sent to my sister.

And now I have yet another set to send another friend.

I bought two rabbit candy dishes that I sent to friends. With chocolates, of course.

It started with two larger ceramic rabbits. I bought a third one yesterday. Because it was there as I walked in the store.

The original rabbits sit on the mantel where I put them when I finally took the nativity set down.

One of the mantel rabbits (and Tuga)

The real problem is the salt-and-pepper shakers. They’re the ones that breed.

Or jump into my shopping cart at Target.

I plan to send them to friends eventually.

Last week I bought some T-Rexes to keep the rabbits at bay.

Rabbits and T-rexes

It didn’t work. Two more bunnies have shown up.

The rabbits all remind me of people who are dear to me, who call themselves rabbits because of their/our affinity for the Rabbit Room, a website/community that I’m thrilled to be part of.

So, Target, as long as you keep putting rabbits out, I’ll probably keep buying them.

They say there’s a sucker born every minute. I’m definitely a sucker for rabbits.

 

Life

Water in the Basement

One early morning a few weeks ago, I was sitting in my usual spot at 5:30 AM, snuggled up on the chair in the corner surrounded by my books. Just as I was settling in,  I heard the sound of running water.

I left my little sanctuary and went to the kitchen. We filter our drinking water in a Brita pitcher and I often put it under the tap but then forget about it. But I hadn’t forgotten to turn the water off. This time.

I returned to my chair and looked out the window at a wet driveway.  The weather had been a few unseasonably warm the past few days with some rain mixed in. It had undoubtedly rained again last night.

Once again, as I looked for the silence to surround me, I could hear the low murmuration of running water. Once again I left my comfy chair in search of running water. This time I went into the basement.

Of course today when I went to take a picture of the little stream in our basement, it was only a drip,

but that morning, it had been a steady stream pouring out of the pipe and into the gravel.

It bothered me.

I went upstairs to try to finish my morning reading and that laughing water was like Poe’s Tell Tale Heart. It seemed to get louder and louder until it was the only thing I could hear.

I could picture all sorts of water-related disasters. As soon as it was a reasonable time I called the contractor we use for work on the house.

When he came over, I showed him the basement stream. He shone his flashlight all around the basement, at the walls, at the stream, on the dirt floor, and back again at the corner where the water was pouring in. “This really isn’t in my wheelhouse,” he said. “I’ll send my plumber over.”

When the plumber came, he looked all around the basement too. “This is an old house,” he said, “and the water is going somewhere. You could do this, or this, or this,” and he laid out a few options that may or may not fix the problem, “but to be honest with you, I’d just leave it.”

“But I can hear it,” I insisted.

“It’s okay. The water is going somewhere. It’s not filling your basement,” he said. He mentioned again the other options, emphasizing their pros and cons, adding, “If it was my house, I wouldn’t do anything.”

I opted to do nothing.

And I sat there for the next several mornings, listening to the gurgle one floor beneath me.

Morning after morning, I murmured my prayers while the water murmured below.

It became part of the background music of early morning.

Then, it just disappeared. I can’t even tell you when.

But I’m sure it will be back, with the next thaw and/or heavy rain.

When it returns, I won’t panic. I’ll just listen.

 

Life

The Fall

Bud told me that a woman at church had mentioned seeing me out for a run. “She doesn’t run,” he told her, “she just walks really fast.”

I was out for a walk the other day when I took a tumble. I do walk at a pretty fast clip, so when the toe of my sneaker caught on a bit of uneven sidewalk, I went down hard. Right onto my left knee.

I limped back to my car, about 3/4 of a mile away, stopping to rest on the stone bridge and take pictures of Tuga. On this day, no man was talking on his cell phone there so I didn’t feel self-conscious.

I kept reaching down to feel my knee through my jeans. I could barely touch it without severe pain, but I couldn’t see what the damage was. The wound was painful but, without seeing it, still abstract.

When I got home, I went into the bathroom to inspect my knee. The egg on my knee reminded me of the egg on Karl’s head the time “Fred” talked him into stepping into a spackle bucket with a rope on the handle that he had hanging over the edge of the cellar stairs.

“Let’s play Paul-in-a-basket and I’ll lower you down over the city wall,” he said.

It did not end well.

I iced my knee and put my leg up. Look up knee injury on the internet and the advice is nearly always the same — RICE: Rest – Ice – Compression – Elevation. I didn’t compress my knee though; I could barely touch it.

Mary and Laurel were a huge help, cleaning up the dinner stuff and fixing my father his nightly bowl of ice cream.

I took two ibuprofen and went to bed early. The injury knocked the wind out of me.

I really don’t have time for this, I told God as I fell asleep. He listened. In the morning, I felt completely better.

Not really — but the egg was gone from my patella. I could still see the redness and the abrasion where I had hit, but the real swelling was now in big circle around the patella.

It has now been three days since the fall. Bruising is settling in below my knee.

I find the whole thing fascinating — the way my patella absorbed a huge impact, then dispersed a cushion of fluid around the point of impact, and now even that is settling. The tenderness is minimal and only around the outskirts of my knee. Okay — I still can’t kneel, but I can do everything else.

The human body is a pretty amazing piece of self-healing machinery, don’t you think?

And that silly fall is not going to prevent me from walking today or tomorrow.

Snow may take care of that.

Life

The Rabbit in My Pocket

Stadiums fill up with rabbits to see what’s going to happen between the lines.

But life isn’t only about visible realities.
There are invisible and unseen nuances
things that shape us into who we are.

Orel Hare-shiser

Like a rabbit in my pocket.


With apologies to Orel Hershiser.

Life

Weekend Coffee Share

If we were having coffee, I sure would like it to be a better cup of coffee than what I got at the hotel free breakfast this morning. It was hot, I’ll give it that, but it had no flavor. Lousy coffee is a small inconvenience, though, for spending the weekend with my daughter.

I guess I’ve gotten used to drinking good coffee made from freshly ground beans. I’ve turned into a coffee snob.

My mother drank instant coffee. Whenever I served her coffee from my drip coffee maker, she would wrinkle her nose and comment on how bitter it tasted. I never thought it was bitter, but maybe that’s because, in those days, I also added plenty of cream and sugar.

My mother drank her coffee black. Her Maxwell House or Folgers. Instant. Decaf. Yuck. I mean, what’s the point?

I’m still not a black coffee drinker, but I have stopped adding sugar. Freshly ground coffee bean coffee doesn’t need sugar.

I’m not sure sugar could have helped this morning’s coffee.

On my way to the pool for the swim meet this morning, I passed a Dunkin’ Donuts. That would be a step up from hotel coffee. Tomorrow, I’ll swing through there.

Today at the meet one of the other officials talked about how he had given up coffee for Lent.

“I don’t think I could do that,” said another official. “That would be too hard.”

The coffee-giver-upper said, “That’s the whole point. You’re not supposed to do something that’s easy.”

I touched my pocket where I could feel Tuga, my little plastic bunny. Had I taken the easy way out, I wondered.

Maybe.

Or maybe I’m not ready to tackle giving up coffee.

Besides, then I couldn’t participate in the weekend coffee share.

family · Life

La La Land

Warning: this post may contain spoilers

On the way home from La La Land Mary asked me which song was my favorite. I didn’t have to think about it — “The Audition Song.”

“You’re a storyteller. Tell us a story,” the people behind the desk told Mia.  She stood for a moment, collected her thoughts, and then told a story about her aunt jumping into the Seine River.

In her audition she sang,

Here’s to the ones who dream
Foolish as they may seem
Here’s to the hearts that break
Here’s to the mess we make

I should have been forewarned by the lyrics that broken hearts were ahead.

I left La La Land feeling dissatisfied with the story.

Later, largely due to discussion about the movie over at the Rabbit Room, I realized that my problem was that I had been Hallmark-ized. The only ending I could consider happy was the one where the right guy and the right girl end up together.

Had that been its ending, La La Land would have fallen into the same category as so many of the movies I choose to watch. A feel-good moment soon forgotten. Hallmark movies that are simply background noise because I don’t need to pay attention to know what is going to happen. La La Land would have been, in so many ways, the same-old-same-old — good music, nice story, satisfying ending.

Like my father’s nightly bowl of vanilla ice cream.

A sweet way to end the day.

But La La Land left me unsettled.

The truth is the stories I love most leave me unsettled.

Fiddler on the Roof, Hunchback of Notre Dame, The Big Sky, A River Runs Through It, A Tale of Two Cities.

None have syrupy happy endings.

They all leave me with something to ponder. They take a long time to absorb.

I fear that I have gotten used to a jiggly jello diet — stuff that slides down easily and digests easily. I don’t know how to handle more substantial foodstuff.

On the way home from La La Land, Mary and I also talked about upcoming movies and what we’d like to see next. The ripples from the pebbles of La La Land may need to subside before I’m ready for another.

 

Life · poetry

My Mother’s Voice

I can’t remember
The sound of my mother’s voice
Fresh grief at this loss


The telephone at my father’s house doesn’t work terribly well, and I want to try a new one, but I don’t want to lose his voice on the answering machine. Is it silly — the things we hold onto?

I really couldn’t remember my mother’s voice this morning, try though I did.

The crappy phone will stay.


I looked through the videos on my computer. Surely I had one with her voice.  I found a couple from two years ago when she was in physical therapy. She spoke three words total in six videos. Monosyllabic. “Yes.” “No.” “Missed.” That’s not how I want to remember her.

Towards the end of the video below, where we are singing the blessing over a meal, I can pick out her voice. It’s a good place to end.

“Amen”

family · Life

Snow and Coffee

img_1165The snow started to fall exactly as predicated at 7 AM yesterday morning. It continued all day and was still falling when I went to bed.

The electricity went out at 12:40 this morning. I know because the monitor started beeping telling me that the base was off.  I have the base sitting unobtrusively under my father’s night stand so I can hear if he gets up or if he falls.

In the fog of sleep, I couldn’t figure out how to stop the beeping. The landline phone also beeped, telling me that the base was off. At least it gave me a message, but the baby monitor just kept beeping.

I pushed a few buttons on the side — one of them had to work. I sat on the edge of my bed holding the monitor and let the fog in my brain clear. Finally, I turned on the light to find the power button and turn the unit off.

Too awake to fall back asleep, I lay in bed thinking about the problems of no electricity.

img_8242❄ — No coffee.

❄ — No water. The well pump runs on electricity.

❄ — No flushing the toilet. I reminded myself that I needed to remind Mary and Laurel about this. No water means no flushing the toilet. Ugh.

❄ — No coffee. My mind came back to this fact indicating the seriousness of this situation.

❄ — No internet. The girls use the internet for their classes, but I could email their teachers on my phone. Or take them to the library, assuming that the library has electricity.

❄ — Where are the candles? It would still be dark when I got up for my morning coffee (dang — no coffee) and quiet time. I would have to use candles to read. I remembered that I had two candlesticks on the hutch in the dining room that we use (very) occasionally for dinners. Matches were in the cupboard by the sink in the kitchen.

❄ — Limit refrigerator usage. My mind was in the kitchen, getting the matches, and I noticed the refrigerator. It’s not as bad as in the summer when the electricity goes out because in February we have the free refrigeration of the snow outside. I could get my half-and-half out, but, darn it all….

❄ — No coffee. Coffee is an essential part of my morning routine.

My last thought as I drifted back to sleep was about calling my brother. He delivers newspapers in town and has gotten coffee for me other times at the convenience store when the electricity has been out.

I woke up at 5:13 AM. The electricity was on. Hallelujah.

I made my coffee and sat down to read.

The phone rang around 6 AM. It was my brother, checking to see if the electricity had come back on. He offered to get me coffee.

I’m not sure how much snow we got. A foot? A little more? It’s still falling.

And it really is quite pretty.

Until it starts to mess with my coffee.