Alzheimer · Alzheimer's · dementia · elderly · family · Leaning In · Life · Writing

The Feeder’s Table

This is a draft written February 6, 2015, pulled from the draft folder because of the RDP prompt word: tame


From across the room, I heard the man bellow, “NO!”

I had no clue what this was in reference to — he was across the room, after all, and I was attending to my mother in the midst of her ritual folding and unfolding of her mealtime protector (aka – bib) while waiting for the food to arrive.

A woman at his table shouted out, “SNOW!” It was snowing out.

She laughed at her rhyme, a dry cackle-y laugh, not because she was a witch, although it did make me think of one, but because she was very old and shriveled, and even her laugh bore witness to that.

“He said, ‘NO,’ and I said, ‘SNOW,'” she said gleefully, and it reminded me of the little “jokes” that first- or second-graders make, when the littlest thing sends them into gales of laughter.

However, the jokesters were across the room, while my mother sat at the feeder’s table, a table set aside for residents who need assistance with eating. She dines with five other ladies with dementia.

To my mother’s left is a dear lady that reminds me of a sparrow. Her voice is quiet and sing-songy. Sometimes she makes sense and sometimes she doesn’t, but I always have to listen very closely when she speaks. (Professor Trelawny)

Next to Sparrow is a woman with a chiseled angular face. (Professor McGonigle) She never speaks. She sits erect and stern, like a statue of a school matron staring across her desk at a wayward student.  However, I had met her many years before, when she was an OB nurse. She had come into my room after I had given birth to somebody because she wanted to tell me about my father.

“I remember your father’s first day at the hospital,” she said. “He came in toting a little black doctor’s bag. A little black bag!” She laughed when she told me the story, and her eyes twinkled with the delight of that memory. My father still has that black bag with its stethoscope, reflex hammer, otoscope, and other doctorly treasures.

To her left sits a white-haired lady whose dementia has a Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde effect on her.  (Quirinius Quirrell) One minute she is sweet and the next she is spewing venom.

Next to Mrs. Hyde sits the newest diner at the feeder’s table. I’ll come back to her.

To Newby’s left is Mrs. Tiggywinkle, so designated because of her hedgehog hairdo.  Teens pay a lot of money and use a lot of product to get hair like hers, sticking straight up all over her head. My father has to repeatedly request that my mother’s hair get combed. Some of us are just stuck with wayward hair that no amount of combing can tame, and I suspect that’s the case with Mrs. Tiggywinkle.


The draft ended and I never finished it. I don’t remember who the person I called Newby is, so I can’t come back to her now. I don’t even remember the point of this story.

My mother died 9 months later.

Reading drafts and posts from that time in my life are interesting to me. I’m glad that I chronicled the journey.

Advice to anyone going through a stressful time: Write down what you see and hear and feel. It’s a gift to your future self.

Music

Coulter’s Candy

Today’s Sunday Song Lyrics prompt is to find a song that mentions candy, honey, sugar or sweet.

I settled on a Scottish children’s song called Coulter’s Candy, mostly because I have wonderful memories of my granddaughter “dancing” to it when she was not quite two years old. Dancing involved running around and around the couch, occasionally stopping to pull other people into the “dance”.

Poor kid, I inundated her with Scottish songs. I played The Broon Coo, Katie Beardie, Rattlin’ Bog, and Three Craws. But she really loved Coulter’s Candy.

Coulter’s Candy is an awful song if you think about the lyrics. One verse is about a little girl being a “rickle of bones covered over with skin,” but, feed her some Coulter’s Candy and she’s getting “a wee double chin.”

How unnutritious of the song. Still, it’s a fun one to dance to.

Main Chorus:
Ally bally, ally bally bee,
Sittin’ on yer mammy’s knee,
Greetin’ for a wee bawbee, (crying) (a halfpenny)
Tae buy some Coulter’s candy. (to)

Poor wee Jeanie’s gettin’ awfy thin, (awfully)
A rickle o’ banes covered ower wi’ skin, (bones) (over)
Noo she’s gettin’ a wee double chin, (now)
Wi’ sookin’ Coulter’s Candy. (sucking)

Mammy gie’s ma thrifty doon, (give) (money box) (down)
Here’s auld Coulter comin’ roon’, (old) (around)
Wi’ a basket on his croon, (with) (crown/head)
Selling Coulter’s Candy.

When you grow old, a man to be,
you’ll work hard and you’ll sail the seas,
an’ bring hame pennies for your faither and me,
Tae buy mair Coulter’s Candy. (more)

Coulter he’s a affa funny man, (very)
He maks his candy in a pan, (makes)
Awa an greet to yer ma, (away) (cry) (your)
Tae buy some Coulter’s candy. (to)

Little Annie’s greetin’ tae,
Sae whit can puir wee Mammy dae, (so) (what) (poor) (do)
But gie them a penny atween them twae, (between) (two)
Tae buy mair Coulter’s Candy.

poetry

Sunscreen

Fair and freckled skin have I
Is sunscreen really necessary?
Just one more cream that I must buy
Fair and freckled skin have I
Forgot the sun block; cloudless sky
I look like maraschino cherry
Fair and freckled skin had I
Sunscreen really is necessary


This week’s W3 challenge is to write a Triolet.

In a triolet, the rhyme scheme is ABaAabAB. The first line repeats as lines four and seven, and the second line returns as the final line. We were further challenged to choose a summer moment or a summer theme.

My first question was “Does triolet rhyme with violet or chalet?” I tried to look it up. Three out of four you-tube pronunciation experts opted for the -et ending instead of -ay. There was one tree-oh-lay. Then then options were tree-oh-let vs. try-oh-let vs. trial-et. Go figure.


gratitude · Life

20 Things I Love

The RDP prompt was “cardinal” which led me to a post I had written in 2015: “Quick — 20 things you love.” That was over 11 years ago. Without studying the old list (although I posted it down below), I thought I would post the first 20 things that came to mind today.

  1. Flowers in the asteracea family — you know, the ones with petals, like daisies. My Shasta daisies are blooming in abundance. The purple coneflower is starting to bloom
  2. Stories — personal stories. Oral histories. I love when someone sits in my office and shares a sliver of their life.
  3. Melty vanilla ice cream
  4. Cold crisp Chardonnay
  5. Calls for no reason other than to say hi
  6. Books that make me think
  7. Travel to other countries where English is not the first language
  8. New sneakers — especially from Xero shoes whose zero-drop shoes gave me a new lease on walking
  9. Homemade cinnamon rolls
  10. Kneading bread dough
  11. Dinner out
  12. Photos of my grandkids — especially those that are spontaneously sent to me on my phone. They brighten my day.
  13. Blue skies — you need a few smoke-obscured skies to appreciate the blue ones.
  14. Getting rid of boxes of stuff — so satisfying
  15. Birdsong at dawn
  16. Coyotes howling in the middle of the night
  17. The smell of vanilla
  18. Simon & Garfunkel
  19. Jumping in the lake
  20. Going for a long walk

 Quick – 20 Things You Love

A friend posted this challenge: “Quick. Twenty things you love. (Not family, friends, or Jesus. We know that.)”

1. Going for a walk
2. My mother’s smile
3. Biscotti
4. A Military Tattoo — the kind with bagpipes, not ink on skin
5. Old stained glass windows
6. The smell of chlorine from a swimming pool
7. Days when I have nowhere to go
8. Bare trees of winter
9. Bare trees of winter with cardinals adding color
10. A good poem
11. A handmade quilt
12. Sunrise
13. Losing weight
14. A full tank of gas
15. Sleeping in my own bed when I’ve been away
16. Lilacs
17. Getting real mail
18. Warm feet
19. A free hour to spend in a used bookstore
20. A new song that catches my heart so I listen to it six times in a row.

Life

Song Lyric Sunday: Empowerment

This is my second stab at the blogging challenge called Song Lyric Sunday. This week the theme is to find a song that carries a message of empowerment.

The first song that came to mind was Simon and Garfunkel’s The Boxer. I won’t post all the lyrics but would encourage you to listen to the song. It’s the story of young man leaving and essentially being beat up by the world, squandering what little he had, longing to go home. The final verse is this picture of hope:

In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of every glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
“I am leaving, I am leaving”
But the fighter still remains

The fighter still remains.

Perseverance. Grit. Sticktoittiveness. Tenacity. Call it what you want. It’s an empowering picture.

Honestly, I’m not a fan of boxing. It seems a poor way to settle anything. I found this photo of my father the other day, though, boxing with his brother at a summer camp where they worked. I’m throwing it in just because.

nonsense · Writing

Sometimes

Sometimes I am lazy
And use imprecise words
Instead of wrens or robins
I just refer to them as birds

Sometimes I can catch myself —
I know what I should do!
But sometimes I say “sometimes”
Instead of “yesterday at two”


This is my stream-of-consciousness ditty brought to you by the prompt “sometimes.”

family · poetry

Gravy

I learned from my mother
Who learned from her mother
Who presumably learned from her mother
How to make gravy
The finishing touch to a homemade family dinner

On the Starship Enterprise
The crew got their food from a replicator
They could order anything they wanted
It came out piping hot or cold, cooked to perfection
3-D printed nourishment

But
Replicated gravy
Made without love
Won’t taste
Right

Star Trek replicator

This is my response to W3 Challenge. Here are the rule which I sort of bent.

Write one three-line stanza poem that brings together a cultural tradition and modern technology.

Your poem can be playful, thoughtful, imaginative, or personal. Each line stanza may contain any number of syllables, so feel free to follow your own natural rhythm.

Structure

  • Line Stanza 1: Mention something traditional from your culture, such as a craft, art form, festival, song, food, or dance.
  • Line Stanza 2: Connect that tradition with technology, such as AI, an app, a digital tool, a virtual space, or a smart device.
  • Line Stanza 3: Show how the tradition and technology can work together, inspire one another, or create something new.

Most importantly, enjoy exploring how the past and the future can meet in just three lines stanzas.

Life

Temptation

This post was in the draft folder and dated: 2016/05/06 at 1:14 pm. It came up when I searched my Draft Folder for the word “timing” — RDP’s prompt today.


I got a phone call yesterday that has been rattling around inside.

In a good way.

Kind of also in a bad way.

“Hi, Sally,” the voice said, “Do you have a minute to talk?”

“Sure,” I said. I was just washing dishes. They could wait.

It was the AD (Athletic Director) at Greene. I knew him. I had worked for him before, and, at one point, lived two doors away.

“We’re looking for a varsity swim coach for both the boys and girls next year. Our contract requires that we do an internal search to fill coaching positions which we’ve done, but your name keeps coming up. We would love it if you would come back to coach,” he said.

He went on to do some salesmanship, telling me how they’ve updated the timing system, put in a new heating system, refurbished the diving boards. “We’d really like you to come back. You did a great job before, and we’d love to have you as part of our swim program again.”

Oh my goodness.

The dangling carrot was so appealing.

I love coaching. Oh, not every minute of it, as my children could tell you. But the overall reward of being involved with young people, especially of the teenage variety, is incredible.

Several years ago I wrote a post during a time when I thought I was done coaching called “MomSwimCoach.”  It’s now up at Laura Brown’s Makes You Mom site [no longer active], and is about a one of the greatest gifts I ever received — a quilt with squares made by one team of swimmers.

But this temptation — to have the whole swim program and run with it — so so tempting.

I knew the answer.

“Thank you so much for thinking of me,” I told the AD, “but my mother died in November and I’ve been taking care of my father since. I couldn’t commit to you the time needed.”

We finished our conversation with pleasantries, but, as I said, it rattled around.

I went for a walk, mulling it over.

Temptation comes when something


And there ends the draft.

If my draft had shoulders, I would grab hold of them and shake them. “When something WHAT?” I would demand.

It’s funny that the prompt word — timing — was triggered by my reference to timing systems for swim meets, but the bigger broader story has to do with the timing of an opportunity. I’m in the same boat today. I have an opportunity, and it’s a great opportunity — but I have to weigh it all out. The timing is questionable. I should write the details in a blog post and save it in the draft folder for 8 – 10 years.

For the record, I have zero regret about not pursuing the swim coach job. In fact, I had totally forgotten about it until this showed up after searching my draft folder. I made the right choice back then. Now for a repeat performance.

family

Fill in the Blank

From June 2011 —

*****

I laughed aloud the other day when I heard a quote from Sartre — “Hell is other people.”  I don’t necessarily agree with it, but it made me laugh.  Sometimes dealing with people is hard.

My sister, who works in a church, once told me, “Ministry would be fun — if it weren’t for the people.”

Last night I found myself thinking, “Parenting would be fun — if it weren’t for the kids.”

You could go all sorts of places with this quote — just fill in the blank.

(blank) would be fun if it weren’t for the (blank).

A teacher might say, “Teaching would be fun if weren’t for the students.”

An RN might say, “Nursing would be fun if it weren’t for the patients.”

A retail salesperson might say, “This store would be fun if it weren’t for the shoppers.”

And so on.

Last night, Laurel couldn’t sleep.  There was a storm earlier in the evening.  But I don’t think that was what caused her insomnia.  The next day was going to be a busy day and I think she was anxious about it.  The problem was that I was tired.  I wanted just a few minutes to myself.  My compassion was very low.

Finally, after I snapped at her unkindly, she came to bed with me.  Parenting would be fun if it weren’t for these darn kids.

In the middle of the night I rolled over and found myself face to face with Chim-chim, her stuffed monkey.  She was hugging him in her sleep and I hadn’t even noticed that she had him when she came into bed.  Her monkey did a better job comforting her than I did.

Beyond the monkey I saw a little girl just trying to deal with life.

My heart melted.

Being a kid would be fun if it weren’t for the parents.

For the record, hell isn’t other people.

And being a parent can be heaven.

*****

Note from 2016: Draft folder rescue — this was first written 5 years ago. I briefly published it, but then took it down. I didn’t want anyone to misinterpret what I was saying. Parenting is incredibly fun — because of the kids. Sometimes parents just get a little tired.

Today’s note (July 9, 2016) — I took this post down not long after I published it THE SECOND TIME. Today it showed up when I searched “insomnia” which is the RDP prompt word of the day.

For whatever reason, it strikes a nerve and some people find it offensive. Let’s see how long it lasts this go-round.

poetry

WYSIWYG

I never speak with candor
My words are lies — not some words, every
I am selfish to my core and care naught for any man
Look! It’s obvious that I’m not who I pretend to be!
Gah! People choose to be blind —


This is my response to the W3 Challenge, which this week is inspired by Emily Dickinson’s famous poem:

Tell all the truth but tell it slant —
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth’s superb surprise
As Lightning to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind —

For this prompt, write a poem in which every line is a lie — except one.

You may take this playfully, seriously, mysteriously, or emotionally. Your “lies” might be obvious falsehoods, gentle self-deceptions, exaggerations, masks, evasions, myths, dreams, denials, or things the speaker wishes were true. Somewhere in the poem, however, let one line tell the truth plainly.

Extra credit: Try writing your poem as a Golden Shovel.

Golden Shovel poem borrows a line from an existing poem and uses each word from that borrowed line, in order, as the final word of each line in your new poem. For example, if you use Dickinson’s line “Tell all the truth but tell it slant,” your poem would have eight lines, ending with: Tell / all / the / truth / but / tell / it / slant.