family

About My Mother

In no particular order, here are a few things about my mother.

My mother was the youngest of four. She had an older sister and two older brothers. She was the one who took care of her own mother in her last decades.

My mother and her mother

My mother lived to the age of 87, although Alzheimer’s took her “in dribs and drabs” for years before that.

My mother loved gardening. Her father brought her some pansies when she was a girl and that started her love affair with flowers.

When my mother was weeding the gardens between the fence and the road, she would shake her fist at cars that drove by too fast.

On summer evenings, my mother always had a bowl and/or a bag and/or a cutting board so she could work on shelling peas or cutting up green beans from the garden. She would then freeze them in neatly labeled containers and we would enjoy them all winter.

My mother made the best soups in the world. Leftovers never went to waste. They would appear in soups and somehow tasted delicious. The turkey carcass at Thanksgiving turned into the best of the best soups. It would simmer on the wood stove for days.

My mother often put on her lipstick using the rearview mirror in the car, but she really didn’t wear much make-up besides that.

My mother struggled to tame her hair just like I do. Sometimes she would wet it down, curl it the right way, and put a little hair clip in to hold it while it dried. Then she would pull the clip out before she left the house (or sometimes the car) and quickly brush through her hair, hoping for the best.

My mother clipped coupons. Loads of them. And kept them in her purse in an overstuffed coupon wallet.

My mother lapsed into Boston occasionally when she spoke. “Pahk the cah on Pione-eh Street.” Most of the time she spoke the right way though.

When my mother would ask me to set the table for dinner, and I told her I was right in the middle of “The Brady Bunch” or “Gilligan’s Island,” she would let me wait until the show was over to do the job.

My mother gave me a negligee the night before my wedding. It was long and lacy and had a matching robe. She didn’t say much when she gave it to me, just “I thought you might like this.”

My mother flew to Wyoming to meet her oldest grandchild. I remember the way she carefully cradled his head because of an infant’s weak neck muscles, just the way she had taught me so many years ago in 4-H.

When my mother needed to hem a dress for me, she would have me stand on the dining room table and slowly turn while she used a yardstick and pins to mark the right length.

When my mother answered the phone, she didn’t say “Hello,” she said, “This is Mrs. P–” She taught me to answer the phone, “Dr. P–‘s resident, Sally speaking.”

When my mother drank wine, her cheeks got red.

My mother was registered nurse. When my youngest brother was in 7th grade, she went to work for the Red Cross, drawing blood at bloodmobiles. She was very proud of the fact that sometimes people would wait for her to be available to do the poke because she rarely missed.

My mother knew how to pick up snakes, using thumb and forefinger right behind the head. Her brother taught her, and she, in turn, taught me.

My mother read to me, sitting on the grey couch that we still have. My favorite books were “One Fish, Two Fish” and “The Poky Little Puppy.” I never heard her complain about reading them over and over and over and over.

My mother taught me to read.

I never heard my mother swear, except for “damn” and that was when she really mad or frustrated, and I’m not sure that even counts as a swear word.

My mother knew six ways to anywhere. She liked to drive ways with the least number of left hand turns, and sometimes she would take a longer route in order to avoid left hand turns.

My mother would drive a few extra miles to save a penny per gallon on gas.

My mother knew all the rest areas between Cooperstown and Myrtle Beach, and had mentally ranked them. She knew which ones were “good” — that meant they were generally clean — and which ones were not.

My mother always made us use the bathroom before we went on a car trip. If we told her that we didn’t have to, she would tell us to “go try.” We usually produced.

Once, when we were coming home from Christmas shopping in Albany, our car ran out of gas. My father hitchhiked to get some gas for us. I was convinced that I was going to freeze to death right there in the car, and my mother calmly had me lie down  in the Vista Cruiser station wagon while she unfolded a newspaper. She placed the large newspaper sheets over me as a blanket. I’m pretty sure she saved my life, although nobody else seemed to be freezing the way I was.

My mother let me have her wedding dress, although I was nowhere near as tiny-waisted as she had been. The seamstress who made my dress used lace from my mother’s to make the yoke on my bodice and the cap for my veil.

Mom
Dad, me, Mom

My mother wrote notes to herself and made lists, both of them to help her remember. I still find them occasionally. One will flutter out of a book, or be mixed with a pile of papers. I’ll recognize her neat handwriting and the way she underlined words that she wanted to emphasize.

My mother, in the summer, hung our sheets to dry on the clothesline by the chicken coop. When she made the bed with clean sheets, she tucked the corners in so tightly that my feet were squished when I first got into bed. The sheets smelled like green grass and fresh air, a scent no dryer sheet will ever reproduce.

My mother loved to sing. She sang in the church choir for as long as I can remember. When she was dieing, members of the choir came to her hospital room and sang hymns to her. It was some of the most beautiful singing I have ever heard.

This is my second Mother’s Day without a mother. It’s good to remember her.

 

 

photography

Writer’s Block

Writer’s block is …

Some of the top Google responses for that are:

… a condition, primarily associated with writing, in which an author loses the ability to produce new work, or experiences a creative slowdown. (Wikipedia)

…. a myth. (https://janefriedman.com/reasons-for-writers-block/)

…often caused by conflicted feelings. (www.cws.illinois.edu/workshop/writers/tips/writersblock/)

…simply a minor speed bump that you can overcome easily and stay in the creative flow. (http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/guide-to-literary-agents/7-ways-to-overcome-writers-block)

…your secret weapon to becoming a better and more resilient writer. (www.copyblogger.com/use-writers-block/)

So, for good or for bad, I’m putting out a post today.

I used today’s prompt: final

Which sounds so very, um, final.

How about last? Can I do last?

Here’s the last picture taken on my phone —

an unedited sunset from the other night.

It won’t be the last

Or the final

Sunset

or

Picture

Faith · poetry

The Moon

I watch you shine a light that’s not your own
It’s nothing that you’ve mustered from within
The sun but shares its brilliance with you
And you, in turn, reflect a light that’s been

I watch you pausing, caught up in the tree
Peeking in and out of clouds and mist
In and of yourself you have no light
Fraudulant brightness daring to exist

I watch you bring some beauty to this earth
Reflecting, e’er reflecting our great sun
A picture of the way we should reflect
Our mighty God from whom all blessings come

If there’s one thing I love to photograph, it’s the moon. All my pictures are taken on my phone, so they may not be great, but the moon is so beautiful that I just want to capture it.

“What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary. ”

It’s a Wonderful Life

family

13 Reasons Why Not

The other day one of my kids called. “Did you know Mary and Laurel are watching ’13 Reasons Why’?” he asked.

I knew Mary was. The show about a girl who commits suicide had created enough rumblings before the final episodes that I was aware of it and asked Mary about it.

“It’s really well done,” she said.

“Does it glorify suicide?” I asked.

“No,” she said firmly.

When I found out that Laurel was watching too, I cringed a little.

At that point, it was too late though. The lid was off the jar; the fireflies had escaped. I can’t really change that.

“What do you think of it?” I asked Laurel.

“I dunno,” she said, the standard teenage answer for almost everything, not because they don’t know but because it’s hard to articulate thoughts and feelings.

Last night my friends were discussing it, and not favorably.

“Does the show glorify suicide?” I asked Mary again.

“No,” she answered, “it does not glorify suicide.”

“I feel like I shouldn’t have let you two watch it,” I said to them. “I’ll bet so-and-so (and here I mentioned the name of a wonderful mother I know) wouldn’t have let her kids watch it.”

Laurel laughed. She was sprawled on the couch with her head in my lap. For all her grown-up height and attributes, she still likes to snuggle.

“If she hadn’t let her kids watch it, they would have watched it anyway,” she said. “Saying no would just make them want to watch it more.”

It reminded me of when I was around Laurel’s age and “Summer of ’42” came out in the theaters. Everyone was going to see it. Everyone but me, that is. My parents were adamant.

Back in the 70s, I couldn’t sneak up to my room and watch it anyway. I would have had to walk two miles into town and hope the ticket person at the theater wouldn’t question the scrawny pre-teen trying to buy a ticket to an R-rated movie.

Nope, couldn’t do that — so I read the book.

Laurel was right. “No” to a teen means find a way.

I suppose it would have been nice to process Summer of ’42 with someone, but I also suppose if my mother had asked me if I had any questions, I would have said, “I dunno.”

But for my children, especially my daughters who watched a show about a girl who commits suicide,  let me give you 13 reasons why not.

  1. I will always love you. There’s nothing you can do to change that.
  2. I will not get tired of you. I won’t push you away. You won’t reach a limit with me.
  3. I will fight fiercely for you. I’ll spend hours on the phone, or in doctor’s offices, or at schools, or wherever you need me to advocate for you as best I can. I will actively pursue getting you help if I can’t do it myself.
  4. I’m not alone in loving you. One of the blessings of a large family is that you have small army at your back. We’re a mighty group of swordsmen who will surround you if needed and fight off  your foes.
  5. You fill a spot in my heart that no one else can fill. If you were gone, you’d leave a terrible hole.
  6. Henry. The next generation is here. He thinks you’re pretty awesome.
  7. Grampa. You brighten an old man’s life. You are a blessing to him. Yes, he repeats himself and the things he says to you, but I see his eyes light up when you share your world with him.
  8. You are not the biggest screw-up in the world. That would be me.
  9. If you need me to, I can complete this sentence a thousand different joyful ways — “I remember the day you…..”
  10. Whatever the terrible thing is that you’re dealing with at this moment will someday be a distant memory. Throw the stick in the river and let it disappear down the bend on the way to the Chesapeake. Or, better yet, throw the stick in the fire — you know we’re big on doing that.
  11. Tomorrow is a new day.
  12. You’ve already made a difference in the world. Think about a time when you were kind. If you can’t think of one, I can — and I’ll tell you about it.
  13. Know that I will accept “I dunno” as an answer. I know sometimes it’s hard to put feelings into words. And that’s okay — but I’m here to listen if you ever want to try to find those words.
family

Daleko

“Doctor Who is helping you learn Croatian,” Mary pointed out the other day.

I had given Mary this cup in her Easter basket.

Because she likes Doctor Who.

The other day, as I was trying to jam more Croatian words into my head, I threw up my hands, and said, “How am I ever going to remember that daleko means far?!”

Then I saw Mary’s Dalek cup.

I want the Daleks far from me.

Dalek — daleko. I’ll remember it now, even if only temporarily.

(Yes, I know it’s a Star Wars something)

collage

Collage Card Caption Contest

Last night I showed Sam my latest collage card —

He laughed at it.  “Donna and I were talking,” he said though, “and we love your cards, but they’re usually pretty dark.”

Mary agreed. “We tend to have a dark sense of humor.”

“Oh dear,” I said.

I’m working on memorizing verse about light. I’m attempting to memorize Isaiah 60 (Arise, shine, for your light has come…), but it isn’t coming easily. I think my head is crammed so full of new Croatian words that the Bible verses are struggling for a foothold.

“Get your elbows up! Push your way through!” I tell Isaiah, but God tends not to force Himself. I need to make the room.

But I digress.

Dark sense of humor. Dark cards. Yes, Sam, Donna, and Mary are right. Looking back over my collages, some do seem a little foreboding.

Maybe it’s my way of dealing with the darkness. Poke fun at it. Laugh at it. It’s better than becoming fearful or bitter.

Mary looked at the new card and said, “Between a rock and a hard place — that cat has a tough choice.”

“Between soap suds and a snake,” I said, agreeing.

So… in the spirit of snail mail and sharing and pushing back the darkness, I thought I’d have a little contest.

Do you have a caption for this picture?  If you do, submit it in the comments.

If you’re the only submission — you win!!

If I get multiple submissions, I’ll choose my favorite.

If I get no submissions, Sam wins!

The winner gets ….. drumroll, please …..  the card in the mail.

I’ll announce the winner on Friday, get an address, and pop it in the mail on Saturday morning.

Just comment below and I’ll figure out a way to get in touch with you. 🙂


Snake from The Mapmaker’s Daughter by M. C. Helldorfer, illustrated by Jonathan Hunt.

Cat from Owls from Mother Goose Treasury, 2009 Publications International — it has a long list of illustrators and I don’t know who drew The Kilkenny Cat.

Window — I don’t know.

Origami wallpaper.

If you win and are expecting perfection, trust me, you’ll be sorely disappointed.

If you win and simply love the thrill of receiving snail mail, you’ll be happy.

collage

Mail a Smile

This morning I stared at the screen. I had zero inspiration.

Inspiration is such a funny thing — feast or famine.

But I haven’t missed a day this year. At least, I don’t think I have.

Then, I saw Eva’s post on Hawwa’s Mail Adventures — a collage that was her submission to “Mail a Smile,” a project  whose aim is to send artistically decorated envelopes and letters to cheer people up around the world.

The 2017 theme is endangered animals. I scoured my children’s books for something on the endangered list.

Unfortunately, rabbits don’t make the cut. I have an abundance of bunnies.

Neither do farm animals, dogs, cats, fish, or frogs.

Finally I found some endangered animals — a tiger and a gorilla — that I could stick on a collage card.

There are multiple tigers on the WWF list: the Sumatran Tiger, South China Tiger, Amur Tiger, Bengal Tiger, Indochinese Tiger, and the average garden-variety tiger. I’m not sure what kind mine is.

There are also several gorillas: Cross River Gorilla, Eastern Lowland Gorilla, Western Lowland Gorilla, and the Mountain Gorilla. The children’s book I used didn’t specify.

If you want to send a postcard or card (and a smile) with an endangered animal featured, send it to:

Mail a smile
Budapest
Pf.:20
1554 – Hungary

Here’s my pic — it’s going out in tomorrow’s mail!

The gorilla profile (on the left hand side) is from The Gorilla Did It by Barbara Shook Hazen, illustrated by Ray Cruz.

The tiger is from Little Polar Bear, Take Me Home! written and illustrated by Hans de Beer.

The background is from The Mapmaker’s Daughter by M. C. Helldorfer, illustrated by Jonathan Hunt.

The decidedly unendangered bunny is from Richard Scarry’s Bunny Book.

Life

Manure

You city folks may not understand this
But I love the days when I step outside, and
With one breath I know they’re
Spreading manure down the road

The smell is rich and rank
Honest
No pretense about manure
That’s fer sure

City smells bother me
Exhaust and exhaustion
Mingled with too many people
And not enough sky

Rain on concrete
Smells like waste
But rain on manure
Smells like hope

Daily prompt: lifestyle