I look for what I should be doing Since I am captain of my soul What is it I should be pursuing? What should I do to be made whole?
Surely, I can make some changes In my approach to living life Surely I can rearrange this Remove all this unneeded strife
And yet, and yet, and yet again I know I am not in control I bow my head, contrite amen – So be it, God — I yield the goal
To “not my will, but Yours be done –“ It’s not my race, but Yours I run
A few weeks ago I had decided to try to process the Sunday sermon by taking notes and writing something later.
Last week was my first week doing it. It accomplished these things:
First, I went to church. I’ve been skipping so much lately.
I told Fr. N. that I was mad at God.
“Is that okay?” I asked.
“Absolutely,” he replied. “Go ahead and swear at God. Tell Him this is shitty.”
It’s just that I spent so much time and effort praying about a situation that did not resolve the way I wanted to do. What’s up with that, God?
Second, I semi-paid attention. Okay — I was distracted that morning. I pulled myself away from the distraction long enough to write a single line which I read back to Fr. N. later in the week.
“You paid attention!” he said. That may have been an overstatement. Here’s the line:
The places where we have fallen flat on our faces — those are the places where God comes.
Third, I wrote a post to process it. It turned out to be pretty personal so I didn’t publish it. I realized that writing something and NOT publishing is okay, too. It felt good to write and process, though.
This week, I went to church in part because the lectionary readings (and therefore the sermon fodder) were some of my favorites passages: Isaiah 6 and John 3.
Fr. N. went with John 3. I settled in, waiting for him to talk about the wind. You know, how it “blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes.” (John 3:8)
It’s verses like that that encourage me to embrace the mystery. Too long I attended churches that knew all the answers.
Fr N, however, didn’t get the wind memo. He went in a different direction: baptism.
He talked about how Nicodemus wanted something that he, Nicodemus, could do, and instead Jesus told him something that was impossible.
Rereading my notes from yesterday’s sermon led to today’s sonnet.
It’s not entirely what Fr. N said, but it’s what I needed to hear.
Adrift In a coracle No oar Unmoored Belonging only To the One Who authors Currents And winds
This is my response to the W3 prompt this week which is to write a free verse poem of not more than 12 lines with a theme of belonging.
I’ve been feeling a bit at loose ends lately, like I’ve lost my footing. Even my faith, which has been my bedrock, has felt shaky. Belonging to a church feels like a crock. Speaking Christianese, which once felt so natural, now feels false.
A few loaves? And two fish? What are they? Futile wish
That somehow These would feed A crowd? Ha! No, indeed.
And yet once Broken, they Did just that — “How?” You say
Magic? Was It Divine? I don’t know – Yet, I dine
This year for the A-to-Z challenge, I’m challenging myself to write a Cethramtu Rannaigechta Moireevery day. I can’t pronounce it, but I can tell you that it’s an Irish poetic form that requires 3 syllable lines in quatrains. The second and fourth lines rhyme.
Additionally, I’ve been collecting questions for a few years — specifically questions from the Bible. I have so many questions.
Turns out the Bible is full of questions.
So, I’m using questions from the Gospel of John for this challenge.
“Does our law judge a man without first giving him a hearing and learning what he does?” — John 7:51
people are quick to judge then often can’t even budge
when they hear facts that tell another tale. Lord, quell
my judgment change my mind let me be open, kind.
This year for the A-to-Z challenge, I’m challenging myself to write a Cethramtu Rannaigechta Moire every day. I can’t pronounce it, but I can tell you that it’s an Irish poetic form that requires 3 syllable lines in quatrains. The second and fourth lines rhyme.
Additionally, I’ve been collecting questions for a few years — specifically questions from the Bible. I have so many questions.
Turns out the Bible is full of questions.
So, I’m using questions from the Gospel of John for this challenge.
John 9: 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
First, forgive me for the language, but this question from the Bible irks me. It really does. I think “who sinned” in modern vernacular would be spoken today in the words I chose.
Who f*cked up? Someone did! Remember – Adam hid
When he f*cked Up and ate That apple! Think we’re great?
We can’t see. Humans fail. All people Are so frail!
Yet some one Not like me Must be flawed. We should see
Who is at Fault, or who F*cked up. We Have no clue
The thought behind the question is what irritates me. Whose fault is it that someone is blind? Is it his? Is it his parents?
How small minded we are!
Here are the questions I would ask — and do ask! How can I help this person? What can I learn from this person? I’ll bet they have some amazing stories; would they share them with me?
This year for the A-to-Z challenge, I’m challenging myself to write a Cethramtu Rannaigechta Moire every day. I can’t pronounce it, but I can tell you that it’s an Irish poetic form that requires 3 syllable lines in quatrains. The second and fourth lines rhyme.
Additionally, I’ve been collecting questions for a few years — specifically questions from the Bible. I have a big problem with people who think they know everything, especially religious people.
The more someone thinks they know God, the converse is probably true. I know less about God today than I did last year or five years or twenty-five years ago. I have so many questions.
Turns out the Bible is full of questions.
So, I’m using questions from the Gospel of John for this challenge.
If you think about it, they’re pretty amazing things.
I remember as a child being amazed at my father’s vast vocabulary. He knew a lot of words. I forget what the exact challenge was, but I was scouring the dictionary for a word he didn’t know. (Aside: I realized as I wrote those words that kids today don’t have that dictionary-searching experience. If they need to look up a word, they don’t pull out an enormous heavy book; they simply type the word into a search bar, or click on the word, and ~ poof! ~ there’s the definition.)
Anyway, I was searching the dictionary and found a word that I was sure he wouldn’t know: Quisling. He not only knew the word, he knew the origins. For the record, a quisling is a traitor who collaborates with an enemy occupying force for personal gain. Vidkun Quisling did just that in Norway in WWII.
That kind of word is called an eponym, a word that was a person’s name. In looking up the definition of eponym, I found that the word boycott is an eponym. Charles Boycott, an English landowner in Ireland back in 1880 treated his tenants so badly that they decided just to ignore him.
Fascinating, right?
Last Sunday, I was preparing for a class at church. For a year or more I’ve been attending an Episcopal church, but honestly, I still don’t know what I’m doing. All this standing, kneeling, sitting, genuflecting, making-the-sign-of-the-cross stuff gets confusing. I’m pretty sure that God doesn’t entirely care if I forget to genuflect before I enter the pew. Still, I’d like to understand the whys and try to be respectful. So the rector invited me to a book study on Walk In Love: Episcopal Beliefs & Practices (by Scott Gunn and Melody Wilson Shobe). The topic last week was the Eucharist.
It turns out that the prayer book has six different terms for this thing that we do in church. “The Holy Eucharist is called the Lord’s Supper, and Holy Communion; it is also known as the Divine Liturgy, the Mass, and the Great Offering.”
I love when other languages have words for which we have no English equivalent. For example, there’s Danish hygge (warm, fuzzy, sitting-by-the-fire feeling), German schadenfreude (getting pleasure from someone’s misfortune), and Hawaiian pana po’o (scratching your head when you can’t find something). I particularly liked discovering this Halloween-y word, vybafnout, Czech for jumping out and saying “Boo!”.
Back to Eucharist, though, I can’t help but wonder if we don’t have a human equivalent of what God intended in this sacrament. We don’t have one word for it. We don’t have even one way of doing it.
I’ve taking communion with matzo crackers and little individual cups of grape juice, hunks of leavened bread ripped from a whole loaf and dunked in juice, little round wafers dipped in real wine, and even Girl Scout cookies with a little milk. You may think that last one sacrilegious, but I’d go back to God looking at our hearts.
In the class someone asked about the elements becoming the body and blood of Christ. “Is it magic?” she asked.
“It’s mystery,” I blurted out, and Father went with that, expounding on sacramental mystery.
In preparing for class, I followed rabbit trails, as I am wont to do. I came across the word aumbry and looked it up (not in a dictionary, but in the search bar). An aumbry is a recessed cupboard in a church where sacred vessels and vestments are stored.
From there I found pyx, a small round container where the consecrated host can be stored.
And then I came across monstrance. Such a Halloween-y word with such a non-Halloween-y meaning. No monsters, but instead a vessel in which the consecrated host is displayed.
Monstrance
Words — they’re pretty amazing, right?
But I also don’t like when people’s words don’t match their lives (my own included).
I recently came across a quote from Thomas Fuller that I keep thinking about: “How easy is pen and paper piety for one to write religiously! I will not say it costeth nothing, but it is far cheaper to work one’s head than one’s heart to goodness.”