“Damn! This manual is ridiculous!” Joe said. He said on the floor at the edge of the veranda, marking pages with his fingers while leafing further into the book.

“What are you looking for?” His neighbor Alex peered over at him

“My TIFU meter isn’t functioning. I’m trying to figure out how to reset it.” Joe replied without even an upward glance. “Damnation,” he muttered while continuing his search.

“Teefoo meter?” Alex puzzled. “What’s that?”

Joe’s head shot up. “What?! Don’t you have one? TIFU stands for This Is F….” His last words were drowned out by blaring car horn.

Alex blinked at him. Finally he said, “I’m sorry I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“This Is Fu…” A loud car drowned out the words this time.

Alex shook his head. “I still didn’t get that.”

“Damn,” muttered Joe. “When you wonder if the problem is you or the situation, you get the TIFU meter, turn it on, fit the wand in the upright holder so it can sense whatever, and the meter will read whether the situation is ….” More traffic noise. More car horns.

Alex asked, “Could you please say that one more time?”

“Fu–” Airplane. Bus horn. Fire whistle.

Alex watched Joe mouthing the words, probably shouting them, over and over, but there was too much noise.

Until there wasn’t.

“–CKED UP! THIS IS F–” Joe stopped his shouting. It was quiet momentarily.

Finally he said, “It’s situations like this that broke my meter.”

---

This is my response to the Unicorn Challenge. It’s a simple challenge: write no more that 250 words using the photo as a prompt.

One of my coworkers refered to his FU meter today. I looked at him, puzzled. He explained, without the niceties of street noise drowning him out.

“Damn thing is busted,” he said. “Either that or this situation is TOTALLY F–“

The front desk phone rang at that moment.

I was literally saved by the bell.

“What does domestic mean, Mom?”

“It has to do with home. Why do you ask?”

“See that sign? It says, ‘Domestic animals.’ So a domestic animal lives in a home? Don’t all animals have homes?”

“Yes, but a domestic animal lives in a people home.”

“Like a dog?”

“Yes.”

“Like a cat?”

“Yes.”

“Like a mouse?”

“Hmmm… well, that depends. If the mouse is a pet in a cage, I suppose it’s domestic, but if it’s living in the walls of the house and raiding out cereal cupboard, it’s not.”

“Do people put mouses on leashes?”

“Mice.”

“Do people put mice on leashes?”

“I’ve never seen that, but people do a lot of strange things.”

“Why can’t domestic animals go on the beach?”

“Probably because they might ‘go’ on the beach. You know, poop or something.”

“A wild animal might do that, too. I betcha wild animals DO do it.”

“Yup.”

“So if I caught a mouse that lived in the walls of the house, I could bring it to the beach and I wouldn’t get in trouble.”

“I suppose…”

“But if I made a tiny leash and put it on my pet mouse and brought it to the beach, I would get in trouble.

“AND if I caught one of those coyotes I hear howling at night and brought it to the beach, that would be okay, because coyotes are wild, right?”

“Please don’t try to catch a coyote.”

“I just want to understand the rules, Mom. Sheesh.”

---

Unicorn Challenge — write no more than 250 words based on the photo prompt.

Here’s the actual photo:

I used the photo feature of Google translate to read the words.

Jenne Gray had already translated the sign, though. Her translation: ‘Domestic animals, even on leads, are banned from the beach from 6h – 21h’.

It still begs the question of wild animals.

“As a token of my gratitude, I want to give you a gift.” The little man who was speaking was still brushing dirt off his odd sparkly garment and examining the rips and tears caused by the dogs.

Dan shook his head. It all seemed surreal. He had seen the dogs chasing the man. He had watched them biting at his legs as he disappeared through a little hole in the dilapadated door. He yelled and kicked the dogs to drive them away before opening the broken door to check on the man.

And there the man sat, on the floor, studying his hands and legs for injury, tsk-tsking at the holes he would have to mend in his leggings.

“Are you okay?” Dan asked. “Can I help you?”

“No, no, no,” replied the man, his voice high and squeaky, like an old door hinge. “Let me give you a gift.”

He withdrew from his pocket a small ornate key.

“This key will open one of those three boxes,” he said, gesturing to three boxes that Dan hadn’t noticed on a shelf in the corner.

“The red box holds love. You will have a life full of love,” the man said, “but also great heartbreak.

“The blue box holds adventure. You will go and do amazing things — the sky is the limit — but have no one special to share them with.

“The yellow box holds enough — nothing amazing, but always enough money, enough people, enough time.

“Which will you choose?”

---

Unicorn Challenge again. So simple: write no more than 250 words based on the photo prompt.

I looked up “SERRURERIE” and learned that it’s a locksmith’s shop — hence, the key.

But seriously — which would you choose?

“Hey, Jack! How’re you doing?

“Yeah, I’m out for a walk. Can’t believe I still have a signal out here, but you’re coming through loud and clear.

“What? I didn’t catch that. You sound like you’re exercising. Are you out running? …Yeah, I may be a little short of breath, too. I’m heading to the bay. Just went past the sign.

“What sign? You know, the one about deep cold water and strong currents. It never scared me when we were kids, and I’m not going to let it scare me now.

“Speak up, could you? You sound miles away. What? God, Jack, your voice sounds weak. Are you okay?

“Hold on a sec, Jack. There’s some people coming towards me.”

[distant boy’s voice] “We tried to swim. The water is FREEZING.”

[distant woman’s voice] “And they weren’t kidding about the currents! I almost lost him to the sea!”

Indistinct conversation. Laughter.

[not speaking into the phone]”Thanks! I’m going to check it out anyway. Have a good one….

[back on the phone] “Hear that, Jack? Wish you were here with me for old time’s sake. What? I’m really having trouble hearing you. And you sound so out of breath. What are you doing?

“Your chest is tight? What do you mean? … Wait, is this like when you had that heart attack? What? I’m having a hard time hearing you, Jack. Can you speak directly into the phone?

“Jack? Are you okay? Is anyone there with you? Jack? Jack?”

---

This is my response to the Unicorn Challenge. Write no more than 250 words based on the photo. Easy-peasy.

I wanted to write one side of a telephone conversation. Did I do it right?