eXamination

(I feel like I’m cheating for the letter “X” by using a word that really begins with E. Please forgive me. I had a scathingly brilliant idea for a new series of posts. Okay, maybe not scathingly brilliant — I had an idea for something I wanted to write about, but I want to finish what I started first — An A-to-Z of things I like and don’t like.)

X is for eXamination — something I both like and dislike.

Let me start with the dislike part. I don’t really like going to the dentist or the doctor or the optometrist –anyone who is going to examine me physically. Even haircuts are a thing I put off until it’s an absolute necessity and I’m at the point of seriously considering asking the woman to shave my head so I can go longer without another visit. Weigh myself? I think not.

My youngest daughter is in her first semester of dental hygiene school. Next semester she begins working on real patients.

Life with a dental hygiene student

“Will you be my first patient?” she asked me.

I didn’t even hesitate. “Of course, I will,” I said.

Some things outweigh my dislikes — like the love I have for my child.

I brush my teeth at least twice a day, floss regularly, and generally attend to my oral health. Yet, as January draws nearer, I’m more and more anxious about what she will see when she looks in my mouth. Will I have bad breath? Are there places I’ve missed with my brushing? Is she going to find something terrible that will require another visit?

Pitiful, isn’t it?

I have a strong family history of breast cancer. Do I do breast self-examination? Partly — but that standing shirtless in front of a mirror part, nope.

When I reached colonoscopy age, I dragged my feet and bargained with my primary care provider. I managed to put it off for a good 6 years until she played a better card than I did.

Reading the eye chart at the optometrist is one thing, but when they invade my personal space to peer deeply into my actual eyeball — I hate it.

Gosh, I’m telling you all my quirks here. Why is this so much easier than that way-too-close one-on-one?

Exams I like are knowledge based. I’ve always been a fairly good test-taker. I think it has to do with being factual and logical.

Logical, that is, until it comes to something like the physician palpating my abdomen. Logically, I know why she needs to do it. I just don’t like it.

Now on to Y and Z.

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