Every Saturday morning, I sit alone, pen poised over my journal, and attempt to write a prayer.
It is a discipline that I have not mastered. My words falter and fall flat on the page.
Then, as I pray my newly-written prayer in the days that follow, I edit, crossing out whole sections or single words, trying to form the sighs of my heart into something utterable. I know that when I can’t, the Spirit will intercede for me. (Romans 8:26)
P is for prayer.
I pulled out my journal to look at the prayers I had written during those last weeks with my mother.
On the day after she went in the hospital, this is all I had —
You, God, are amazing.
I am not.
Thank you for Your presence and Your help.
Hold me,
Help me,
Heal me and mine.
I never changed a word of it. Maybe it was all I could do to pray it. By the next Saturday, she was gone.
And I struggled.
The next time I wrote, I filled two pages with prayer words, but then crossed out and wrote over much of it. By the end of the week, I had two prayers where I had begun with one.
Prayer A —
Lord, I don’t know what to pray.
My mother is gone.
My father is so sad.
Like a small child riding the up-and-down of a carousel pony,
I need someone to hold my hand.
Will You?
Prayer B —
Almighty Father –
You set into motion the cycles through which we live
– the turning of our planet
– its orbit around the sun
– the rising and falling tides
– the four seasons
– the water cycle
– the respiration of plants
– the respiration of animals
– the breath of a human being
from first cry at birth
to last breath at death
– decomposition
Every breath — the inhale, the exhale —
is part of Your plan,
part of a cycle
So, Lord, with profound gratitude
and amazement
I will live this day
And breathe these breaths
ordained for me.
I will ride this turning planet
orbiting around the sun
And thank You.
Amen
*****
Prayer is a mystery.
Writing prayers even more so.
Hot Dogs and Marmalade 
Your first gets to the point.
I probably should not comment since I am not a believer, but prayer A seems so heartfelt and I could feel the pain and loss as I read it. Prayer B is much more formal, like those I remember from the Episcopal prayer service.
You’re always welcome to comment!
They are all beautiful, from your heart. Remember though, psalm 139 – we are fearfully and wonderfully made – we are children of God, you too are wonderful.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Blessings,
Laurie
Your prayers are heartfelt and beautiful.
Sally,
I’m impressed. Writing poems is a challenge, but prayers seem even more difficult. What a great discipline and way to grow in faith. Keep writing them and sharing them too!
It really is hard to write prayer. You did a beautiful job of it though – your prayers had so much passion in them. Thank you for sharing something so tender.