I look for what I should be doing
Since I am captain of my soul
What is it I should be pursuing?
What should I do to be made whole?
Surely, I can make some changes
In my approach to living life
Surely I can rearrange this
Remove all this unneeded strife
And yet, and yet, and yet again
I know I am not in control
I bow my head, contrite amen –
So be it, God — I yield the goal
To “not my will, but Yours be done –“
It’s not my race, but Yours I run
A few weeks ago I had decided to try to process the Sunday sermon by taking notes and writing something later.
Last week was my first week doing it. It accomplished these things:
First, I went to church. I’ve been skipping so much lately.
I told Fr. N. that I was mad at God.
“Is that okay?” I asked.
“Absolutely,” he replied. “Go ahead and swear at God. Tell Him this is shitty.”
It’s just that I spent so much time and effort praying about a situation that did not resolve the way I wanted to do. What’s up with that, God?
Second, I semi-paid attention. Okay — I was distracted that morning. I pulled myself away from the distraction long enough to write a single line which I read back to Fr. N. later in the week.
“You paid attention!” he said. That may have been an overstatement. Here’s the line:
The places where we have fallen flat on our faces — those are the places where God comes.
Third, I wrote a post to process it. It turned out to be pretty personal so I didn’t publish it. I realized that writing something and NOT publishing is okay, too. It felt good to write and process, though.
This week, I went to church in part because the lectionary readings (and therefore the sermon fodder) were some of my favorites passages: Isaiah 6 and John 3.
Fr. N. went with John 3. I settled in, waiting for him to talk about the wind. You know, how it “blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes.” (John 3:8)
It’s verses like that that encourage me to embrace the mystery. Too long I attended churches that knew all the answers.
Fr N, however, didn’t get the wind memo. He went in a different direction: baptism.
He talked about how Nicodemus wanted something that he, Nicodemus, could do, and instead Jesus told him something that was impossible.
Rereading my notes from yesterday’s sermon led to today’s sonnet.
It’s not entirely what Fr. N said, but it’s what I needed to hear.
Hot Dogs and Marmalade 
I go to church online because one of my granddaughters lives in another city and she does the scripture reading and I like her minister. I think I should write a few lines about the service. Lots of times I just complain about the choir. Because I cannot remember anything except that choir and it just happened yesterday!
I feel this. It’s why I started taking sermon notes
I’m terribly jaded by my church, how hypocritical the priests are and the lack of respect my son and daughter-in-law received upon their marriage (she was previously married … for shame!). My church now is in my heart; it’s portable and I can take it with me everywhere I go. Besides, it’s open 24/7 and I talk directly to God whenever and wherever I wish …. no middling middle-man necessary. I have the best conversations when I’m alone with God. He’s a good listener, never interrupts and I always feel better after talking to him.
I’m feeling jaded, too, but I’ll keep trying. I expect little except to have my thoughts stirred up about spiritual things.
I love your portable church! And yes, God is the best listener.
It’s difficult to remain open-minded when dealing with such closed-minded people. The hypocrisy is off the charts!
I like the little arrangement I have at the moment.
“It’s difficult to remain open-minded when dealing with such closed-minded people. The hypocrisy is off the charts!”
This is so true — and disheartening!
I guess we just have to rise above them, Sally! Life is too precious to waste on useless thoughts and stupid people.
I love how we get the point from what we needed to hear…even if it’s just a tiny piece of the whole. I always think that God opens our ears and hearts at the right time to get the message we need….especially when its not one we expect. 💞
Thank you Sally! That’s the best sermon I’ve heard in a long time. Wouldn’t it be nice if people stopped being “perfect” and started being honest, even if it hurts!!!
“The places where we have fallen flat on our faces….. “
That is so good, so true. God can work wonders when we are flat on our face. And when it doesn’t come out the way we want, well it will one day come out better than we can imagine.
Still trying to find you at home. I rarely get out that way.
Have a great day.
I’m rarely AT home — I work two jobs and have little time for myself.
I feel like I spend an awful lot of time on my face, but I’m trying to trust that it’s all good.