dementia

Laughter IS Good Medicine

Last week, when the EMTs arrived at the house, one asked my father, “How do you feel?”

“With my hands,” he replied.

The EMT didn’t get it.

I don’t think he expected an 80-something man who had just had three syncopal episodes to be doling out one-liners.

My brother and I both laughed. Then Peter tried to get him to answer the question by asking it again, “How do you feel, Dad?”

Same response.

He often answers “How did you sleep?” with “With my eyes closed.”

His joking may irritate some, but not me. I am so glad to have been raised with a sense of humor. It’s such a gift — to be able to laugh in the midst of a terrible situation.

I remember when we were all gathered around my mother’s bed as she was dying. Different people were sharing things she had said and done, thanking her for the many ways she had blessed us.

During a lull, one of my kids said, “No charge.”

We all burst out laughing (and maybe crying). That’s what my mother would say when we got up to use the bathroom.

It could be a little embarrassing when we had someone over to visit. They would ask where the rest room was and excuse themself. My mother would call after them, “No charge!”

But it was her way of being funny — and it carried long into her dementia.

When I have dementia, I’m sure I’ll tell dumb jokes. I’ve been gathering them this year for the swim team.

I’m not coaching this year so that I can be home more with my father. Now my role is parent-coach liaison, registrar, information disseminator, question answerer, meet signer-upper, and joke teller.

I carved out the joke teller niche for myself.

One of the other coaches is very punny. She helps me.

Now the kids are sharing jokes with me, too. Here’s today’s offering from a swimmer:

Who cleans the sea?
Mermaids

Why did the fish go to the sand bank?
To get sand dollars!

In November, I started off with a few swim jokes,

Q: What kind of race is never run?
A: A swimming race.

Q: Why would the boy only do the backstroke?
A: He just had lunch and didn’t want to swim on a full stomach.

Q: What did the ocean say to the swimmer?
A: Nothing. It just waved.

Q: Why did the vegetarian stop swimming?
A: She didn’t like meets.

Moved on to snow jokes in December,
Q: What do you call ten rabbits hopping backwards through the snow together?
A: A receding hare line.
Q: What do Snowmen call their offspring?
A: Chill-dren.
Q: Which is faster — hot or cold?
A: Hot, because you can catch cold.
And then fitness jokes in January.
I went to the gym and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were looking at me weird so I decided to jog instead.
Why did the elite swimmer buy tape from the hardware store?
Somebody told her she was ripped!
Someone tried to tell me that Yoga was a good workout. I thought that was a bit of a stretch.
My favorite workout is between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.
Before I knew it, anything was fair game, even Armageddon.

So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world.

What’s at the end of everything? The letter G.

Once I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction. (<—- That’s a joke.)

Today I was sending out information on timing at the next meet. This was the joke I adapted.

The past, the present, and the future all arrived at the swimming pool. Things got a little tense.

What can I say? Laughter is good medicine.

 

Stewart

Vultures (and a boxful of Buechner)

I’ll admit that I felt a little vulture-ish, looking through my brother’s belongings, and, in the course of deciding where things should go, choosing a few things to keep for myself.

The good thing is that my family is really not about material possessions.

Q: What did one vulture say to the other vulture?

A: I’ve got a bone to pick with you.

That (^) never happened, not even once.

We sorted through piles and piles and piles of papers. We sorted through boxes and boxes of stuff. I know stuff is a terribly nondescript word, but it is so apropos that I feel okay about using it.

Stuff includes notepads (see previous post) and office supplies, playing cards, games, craft supplies, photographs, and books.

One collection of odds-and-ends I put together was party supplies: crepe paper, balloons, plastic eggs, strings of styrofoam skulls, strings of ceramic chili peppers, a giant plastic sombrero serving dish, and smaller Cinco de Mayo serving accessories.

Two vultures were eating a dead clown. One asked the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”

I found a tin full of little plastic doo-dads.  I showed them to one of his friends, and she laughed. “I’d like to keep that if I could,” she said. “Those were all cupcake toppers from celebrations.”

Stuff also included artwork, mugs, dishes, canned foods, toiletries, and books.

A vulture tried to board an airplane lugging two dead raccoons but was stopped by the stewardess. “I’m sorry,” she said, “but airline regulations only allow one carrion per passenger.”

My sister found two framed pieces of art that she really liked and was able to pack them in her suitcase.  She called me later to tell me that she just realized that she had probably given Stewart those pictures years ago. “No wonder I liked them so much,” she said, laughing.

Other stuff included old computers, monitors that no longer worked, flash drives, cameras, CDs, DVDs, VHS tapes, a Kindle, and books.

Did I mention that Stewart had books?

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

A: A vulture has wings.

Quite honestly, Stewart was the antithesis of a vulture and a lawyer.  He did, however, have boxes and boxes of books. Several of them contained all his law books from when he was in law school. Is there a market for twenty year old law textbooks? I rather doubt it.

DSC00719It was in these boxes of books that I found my treasure, my keepsake from Stewart. I found a box full of Buechner. In fact, it held 15 books by Frederick Buechner, 6 books by Robert Farrar Capon, a Henri Nouwen book I didn’t own, and a book by Elie Wiesel. Jackpot.

Frederick Buechner is one of my new favorite authors. His thoughts are profound and full of grace. In fact, this quote of his, not about vultures, captures some of the most comforting words I have read since Stewart’s death.

“When you remember me, it means you have carried something of who I am with you, that I have left some mark of who I am on who you are. It means that you can summon me back to your mind even though countless years and miles may stand between us. It means that if we meet again, you will know me. It means that even after I die, you can still see my face and hear my voice and speak to me in your heart.”

When I look at this collection of Buechner on my bookshelf, I will remember my brother.

And I won’t feel like a vulture.